


Three Unspoken Words

by WolfAndHound_Archivist



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Post-Sirius in Azkaban, Romance, Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-07
Updated: 2016-02-07
Packaged: 2018-05-18 21:28:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,553
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5943709
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WolfAndHound_Archivist/pseuds/WolfAndHound_Archivist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sirius realizes the importance of unspoken words.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Three Unspoken Words

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Lassenia, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [Wolf and Hound](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Wolf_and_Hound), which was created to make stories posted to the Sirius_Black_and_Remus_Lupin Yahoo! mailing list easier to find. However, even though I still love the fandom, I am no longer active in it and do not have the time to maintain it. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in December 2015. I posted an announcement with Open Doors, but we may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on the [Wolf and Hound collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/wolfandhound/profile).

Sirius Black, escaped convict, madman, former Hogwarts heartthrob, and brave Gryffindor......what a load of crap.

Yes, I escaped from Azkaban, but an innocent man should not be forced to wallow in a stagnant pool of time altered terrors; his memories made increasingly more ravaged and raw by the soul sucking demons who would glorify in the abortion of the human heart and mind.

Yes, they called me a madman; I was a madman, perhaps I still am. But I challenge any witch or wizard to live the hell I did and not succumb to the terrors of their war torn soul. They found me laughing like a crazed fool but only because my heart and mind were breaking from the idiocy of the nightmare surrounding James and Lily's death. I lost everything; my best friend, his wife, a chance to prove the truth of my innocence, and the godson I should have raised. I lost the man that I love.

Oh yes, Hogwarts heartthrob, true I had my share of dates both female and male. If a wink and a flirtatious smile count as a relationship, then I had hundreds. Lovers I can count on one hand and have enough fingers left over to hold a quill. The soul mate I've longed for since I was fifteen is not numbered among them.

Finally, brave Gryffindor........that's a fucking joke. If I'm so damn brave then why am I sleeping alone in Remus Lupin's large comfortable bed, while he occupies a lumpy couch in his study?

I have never told Remus that I love him.

The time never seemed right. Too soon after the shack incident, too long after becoming Padfoot, not romantic enough, too close to James wedding, too drunk after James wedding, not when he was so desperately trying to find a job, not when James had just asked me to be Harry's godfather......... not when I believed he was the spy. Remus, a spy.. ..oh gods; how could I have ever sunk to such stupidity? I loved Remus.

I still love Remus and I should have told him.

I should have told him when I arrived at his home this afternoon. We hugged at the door and I never wanted to let go. I wanted to bury my face in his soft silver streaked honey hair, place my heart in his hands, and beg him to claim me as the mate I have always longed to be. Yet, once again I was too afraid he would reject me. We sat in his study and talked for hours, comfortable and close; oh he was so close to my trembling hands; hands that long to touch and tease, to caress and comfort, hands that long to explore every inch of alabaster skin, learning the location of every scar that viciously marked the passage of fourteen long lonely years.

To touch him, to tell him I love him.

Re sat with in arms length, his glowing amber eyes compassionate and understanding searching my heart for the horrors I tried to hide within the carefully concealed inner sanctum of my soul. He thought my upset was for the travesty in which Voldmort had engulfed Harry; it was, and he sought to comfort me with a warm embrace and soft soothing words whispered in my ear, as his smooth strong cheek fit perfectly against the stubble of my own; I shook in his arms and he thought it was due to hunger and fatigue, I should have told him then. He fed me and led me to his warm airy bedroom, insisting that he would sleep on the sofa. I should have told him then. I longed to beg him to stay with me, to simply let me hold him; sleep curled next to the lithe limbs and torso, to let me lavish him with the most intimate carnal embrace, to love him, to make love to him.

I should have told him then.

As I lay here wishing for the feather light torment of long elegant fingers, my gaze comes to rest on the pale pregnant moon and I realize how much I'm looking forward to running with the wolf. Running with the part of Remus who has always known how Padfoot felt. Running, playing, nuzzling; Moony never needed words to know that Padfoot loved him. I wonder if Remus will be surprised by my confession; perhaps Moony has already told him.

Circled in the soft embrace of Remus' pillows I happily drown in the scent that belongs solely to the deceptively quite professor, whose mind, body and soul are the very essence of all that is good in my frightening and lonely world. I hug a pillow close, praying that tomorrow I won't sleep alone and drift into a dreamless repose with only one thought in mind; I've never told him that I love him, but tomorrow morning I will.

I woke during the night to the distant, muffed sound of shattering glass; I was instantly alert and very much aware that I had no wand with which to defend my self or Remus...... Oh god's Remus. I ran to the door feeling the power of the silencing spell before I ever reached for the knob. Yanking at the brass fixture I realized I was locked in and powerless to escape.

More glass breaking, the muffled sounds of splintering wood, a garbled scream .......

Remus, oh shit they've come for Remus.

I had to get out..... had to get to Re..... had to help Re......oh gods not Remus...please not Remus.

The window, maybe they forgot the window. Struggling to lift the heavy sash I saw flashes of light shooting from the downstairs windows, I could hear Re's voice clearly as the glass erupted from the pane below.

"You bastard, Sirius and I should have killed you when we had the chance," Re's voice echoed in the cool night air, laden with hatred and determination.

"Yes, you should have. But this time it's not just me is it, and Sirius won't be coming to help you," Peter's shrill voice burned my soul as the reality of what the powerful werewolf was facing flashed before my eyes. His hand, my god Peter's silver hand!

I had to get to Remus; that slimly little bastard wasn't alone and this close to the moon I knew Re was already feeling the effects of his inner demon. Trying to calm a wolf while casting for your life was not an ideal situation; even for an accomplished DADA professor.

The window finally raised enough to allow my escape I realized it was too far for me to jump; Padfoot was my only hope of reaching Moony in time. One deep breath was all I needed; Padfoot appeared and sailed through the open window landing in a battered ball of fur and partially bonded bones. A violent wave of nausea assaulted my senses as Padfoot tried to stand. My leg was broken, my right hind leg, but Remus lived through far worse pain each month; and if I wanted him to keep living than Padfoot had to run. The will of my canine self pushed me to my feet and spurred the trembling black dog toward the side of the house. The blown-out window to Re's study was blocked by debris from the duel that was culminating inside. I could barley make out the figures of three tall robed forms and the shorter shadow of Peter standing as their leader.

I ran the best I could toward the front of the house, hoping I would be able to transform and disarm one of the monsters that threatened the life of my beloved Remus; though with a broken leg it would be a long shot. My determination was steadfast, I had decided before I ever jumped that if Remus were to die than I would gladly give my life even if it prolonged his only long enough to finally tell him. To finally tell him that I love him.

As I reached the front of the house I heard the sound I had feared from the first day I learned of Re's curse; a scream that gripped his heart and shredded his soul as only the touch of silver could demand. The scream was short, but reverberated through the hallow cavern of my chest that my breaking heart had now vacated.

Suddenly Peter rushed through the door, a murderous cackle crashing from his lips. He was accompanied by the three hooded figures I had seen through the broken debris of Moonys house and home. Padfoot made ready to pounce but Peter was faster, casting a simple blocking spell that left my already injured body rolling on the ground.

"It's not your turn yet Sirius," the beady eyed boy from my past bellowed across the lawn. "but I've left you a present to dwell on for a while." Pete mock saluted, his silver blood bathed death-claw mocking me in the moonlight.

He was gone in an instant and in that instant I raced through the front door and down the hall to Remus's study. My back leg dragging behind me as my blood mixed with that of Moony's. Moony's blood.... trailed in the shape of his executioner's boot prints. Oh, sweet Merlin, how could I face what stood behind that door?

Transforming, I crawled the length of the study; my eyes and hands meeting the slow moving crimson tide before I ever saw his lifeless form. He lay behind the desk, his beloved desk that he treasured above all other pieces in the house. The desk I had given him when we graduated from Hogwarts. My eyes squeezed shut refusing to reflect the image that pooled before me in a mix of cotton, blood and man.

`Oh God Re, oh no, nooooo.....nooooo' I couldn't stop the sobbing tearless cries that escaped my soul as I gently closed the once bright amber eyes and lifted the limp body of my best friend into my shaking arms.

The fucking monster left a silver dagger buried in his heart, the kindest heart I had ever known. I pulled the blade and threw it across the room. Why they even bothered with the formality I couldn't tell, but a formality it was; Voldemort's vile gift had done the job far more thoroughly than any blade could aspire to achieve.

The space that had been Remus' tight toned abdomen no longer existed; instead there was a gaping hole with charred black edges where the silver claw had burned Moonys skin, blood pooling and oozing in long black streaks down the opaline flesh of the only man I would ever truly love.

I held Remus close burying my face in the auburn stained tresses, the copper tang twisting its way over my tongue and teeth as I released myself to the complete abandon of gut wrenching sobs. My shoulders shook as I rocked back and forth cradling Remus in the tight embrace of my sticky blood soaked body.

`Oh, God Re, I never told you, I never got to tell you........." I sobbed long wailing cries, caring not if any one should hear. I had loved Remus for over twenty years and had never had the strength to tell him. My mate was gone.

Even sitting required strength I no longer possessed, unable to support my body weight and that of the precious man who lay dead within my arms, I collapsed prone on the floor; Re's motionless form pulled tightly to my own, his blood staining my hair and skin as I continued to cry long mournful wails; my shoulders shaking hard against the floor, shaking as I cried, shaking as I cursed my self for never speaking the words, never saying I love you.

I drifted into a black oblivion deeper than the darkest depths of Azkaban, my shoulders shaking, shaking so hard against the fog of death that threatened to surround me.............

"Sirius........Sirius.......Wake -up" a misty voice danced across my mind, my eyes flying open in a mix of fear, love and shock.

Remus, it was Remus who was gently shaking my shoulders, rousing me from the terrors of my guilt- ridden nightmare.

"Rumus, oh Sweet Jesus, your alive" I gasped throwing my arms around the startled form of my already anxious friend. "Oh gods, Re let me look at you, let me hold you, ........oh, sweet Merlin you're alive." I was sobbing again only this time with tears of joy as I clung to the muscular, warm body of a very confused werewolf.

"Of course I'm alive Siri," my beautiful golden friend reassured as his strong hands, traced firm calming circles against my shaking back, "that sofa maybe lumpy, but it's certainly not enough to kill a man."

Re pulled away from me, but upon taking in the terrified desperate longing in my eyes, that I made no attempt to hide, all stings of jest disappeared from his honeyed voice.

"Siri, what is it, what's wrong? I was only at my desk.....," the persistent professors voice trailed off as I pulled him close, cringing at the terrors hidden behind his desk in a dream whose blood and fear still lingered too close to reality. A dream that gave me courage to finally speak the words that had long lived within my heart.

Pulling back to gaze into the glowing golden eyes, I found my hands resting on Remus' knee, fingers drawing swirling unseen patterns on the soft cotton fabric of his faded blue jeans.

"I dreamt you were dead Re, I dreamt that Peter killed you. He locked me in here and I didn't have a wand and I couldn't get to you.......I tried to save you, Padfoot tried to save Moony." My voice was calm even to my own ears, I was staring at a point somewhere beyond Re's soulful searching eyes, the window I was looking at the window, yet all the while tracing phantom shapes on the bent bony knee that was my link to the man I loved. "Padfoot jumped out the window and tried to run to the front door, but I was too slow, I broke my leg and I couldn't reach you, Pete got you.......here," I said laying my hand softly on the flat belly, my fingers gently curving around his waist; the threadbare tee shirt hiding little of the well toned muscles that rippled beneath. "You were dead before I got to you. All I could do was hold you while I cried. I never got to tell you Re....I waited too long and I never got to tell you." My voice trailed off as red- washed images once again stained my vision of the glorious creature who sat before me.

Instinctively I embraced him, burying my face in his hair, hair that smelled not of blood but of vanilla shampoo and the leather cording that by day held the silky strands in a neat long tail. Lost in the safety of a warm embrace I was completely unaware that I was nuzzling the sensitive skin of Re's slender elegant neck; a neck that arched slowly to the side exposing even more tender flesh in a canine display of trust and submission.

I was suddenly conscious of Moony's voice whispering very close to my ear, "Tell me what Siri. Come on, what is it Padfoot...... you can tell me......you can tell me anything.......what was it that you never said?"

After twenty years of waiting for the perfect moment to tell him, I suddenly realized that telling him was what would make the moment perfect.

My teeth gently grazed the sensuous column of ivory skin before I slowly raised my mouth to trace the line of his delicate ear. Finally my long hidden secret was softly whispered to the man I now knew had waited a lifetime for my heart to find its voice, "I love you Remus, I love you and I have since I was fifteen. I've lived my life dreaming of being your lover, Moonys mate.......your soul-mate."

I was answered with a soft moan as Remus lay back against the sheets, pulling me slowly down on top of him, his amber eyes misted with love and desire as our lips brushed teasingly, gliding softly over cheeks and chins; his sweet moist breath mixing with my own as parted lips met with a passion that stunned my soul. I hardly dared to believe that this was real, surely I would wake to the groans of tortured souls as their minds melted into misery. But no, the tantalizing touch of those long cool fingers was very real and the only moans where those streaming from my own throat as Re firmly pressed down on my hips introducing his straining cock to my own blissfully hard erection. The friction was a backdraft surging upward through my body fueling the fiery exploration of hot greedy fingers over smooth cool flesh, it had been so long since I felt the hot throbbing plea for release that I was afraid he would bring me to climax with simply the soul searing passion of his kiss.

"I love you Siri, I have for years" my raspy voiced friend whispered as he pulled from a kiss so heated that I thought our lips had melted into one. "But if I don't get rid of these jeans, I truly might die before I ever know the pleasure of your touch."

I nodded and rolled off on my side. While Remus deftly removed his cotton shirt, my trembling hands freed my friend from the tight confines of his straining button flies. Incapable of speech at the sight of the werewolf's glorious weeping cock, I unknowing licked my lips as a low growl echoed deep within my throat, the very spot I wished his hot wet flesh was occupying.

"I take it you're not disappointed," the self -conscious werewolf's voice was low and sultry, but the anxious golden eyes betrayed his inner fear as I gazed at the scar strewn flesh.

Remaining silent I rose to my feet at the side of his bed. Never releasing my eyes from his breath taking beauty I slowly removed the pajama pants that covered my own arousal. I sought not calm his fears with the gauntness of my own thin frame, that I new would be corrected soon enough, instead I meant to reassure him that he was the only one who would ever have this incredible effect on my heart and cock.

"I love you Remus, you're beautiful and I want you so badly." I spoke the words from my soul, pleading with my eyes for him to understand the depth of my passion.

Re sat up and knee walked to the edge of the bed, wrapped his arms around my neck and pulled me to meet his lips in a sweet soft kiss. "Padfoot, are you willing to bind yourself to the wolf on the night before the moon, tomorrow night? To be forever bound to a dark creature?" Re's whisper soft voice begged me to understand the effect my answer would have on his soul.

"Yes, I want nothing more than to give my throat to the jaws of the wolf, to give my soul to you Remus now and forever." I would never consider Re to be a dark creature, but I knew this was not the time for that argument.

Re quickly dropped his lips the glistening head of my painfully hard cock. I whimpered and tangled my fingers in his hair, as he placed playful nipping bites at the tip. When his soft breath streamed across the waiting cleft I shuddered with need, urging him to take me within the hot home of tongue and teeth.

Replacing his mouth with softly toying fingers, Moony raised his glowing golden eyes to meet my own, tightly reined lupine need showing open on face.

"If you want me, take me now, for tomorrow night you'll belong to the wolf."

Suddenly rolling back on the bed Remus pulled me hard against him, our blistering hot cocks crashing together, moaning our desire into the shared space of our sealed mouths, lips and teeth biting, yet also begging to be bitten.

"Please Siri, I need you inside me," Re's husky voice begged as his thin hips ground rolling circles against my own. "Please Padfoot, the wolf has never willingly submitted to being taken, I've never felt it, not like this."

"Yes, oh gods, yes Re, I want to make love you, hell if I didn't love your mind as much as your cock I'd fuck your brains out."

"Top drawer in the back," Re motioned to the bedside table.

I quickly grabbed the tube, eager to slip within the hot velvet embrace, but then hesitated, trying to keep the pain in my heart from flooding to my eyes.

Re needed no explanation; his hand reached up cover mine the lube hidden within our clasped hands.

"It's been nine years, Siri. The last time I had sex was nine years ago; that's when I stopped trying to force the hate from my heart, instead I learned to live with the pain, and prayed that the memories and longing that I clung to would someday prove to be true. I bought that after Dumbledore's owl arrived, with the hope that this would happen; that you would finally open your heart to me, so I could open myself to you. I didn't want to be the one to tell you first, I wanted to make sure you knew what you wanted. I wanted you to offer your self to the wolf, freely.

Siri, we've each been with other people, both female and male, but in my heart I've always known I was meant for you. I can't honestly say that I've ever made love with anyone, that emotion belongs only between us. Just because it isn't either of our first time, doesn't make our first time together any less special. I love you Siri, please make love to me, I need to feel you inside me."

Tossing the tube back in the drawer, I reverently traced my tongue down the ivory temple that Re saw only as the scar riddled hiding place for a raging beast. I stopped briefly to tease patiently waiting buds that rose to attention with the flick of my tongue. The next place of homage was his thick dripping cock lying heavy against a springy bed of tawny curls.

I wanted completion as much as he did, the juice of his desire would coat my own entry to the heavenly grasp of his velvet body. Taking him deep within my throat I quickly worked my tongue and lips to a frenzied pace, sucking him in perfect intervals from base to leaking tip. Over and over I teased the soft flesh surrounding his balls till I finally felt his grip tighten in my hair, his hips fighting the urge to fuck my mouth as he would my arse when he claimed me for his own.

I pulled off him only for a moment, slid a long finger within my moist mouth and coated it thoroughly.

"Give in Moony,come for me,baby, I wanna taste you, please Moony." With those words I reclaimed the throbbing cock stroking with tongue and lips, the coated digit gently entering the soft satin channel that tightly gripped the welcome intruder. An intruder that knowingly curved to tease the small gland that invoked a huge surging release deep within my well-fucked mouth. Re's hips trembled as they ceased their vigilant assault.

Drawing the remaining seed into my mouth with a long sucking stroke that glided form base to tip, I spat the well-earned lubricant into my hands and slicked my own achingly hard erection. I greeted my glassy eyed lover with a tongue- tangling kiss that left him licking his lips; longing for the taste of the sweet salty treat I teased him with.

Spreading Re's legs I easily slid two fingers within the waiting heated channel, twisting and scissoring in a dance of love and longing. Glancing up to take in Moonys beautiful arousal flushed face, I saw the unmistakable signs of his bitter struggle to tame the wolf. I couldn't do this to him, I knew he wanted me but the pain in his glowing eyes was too much to bear.......maybe........maybe it would be easier.

I quickly lied down next to Re and rolled him on top.

"Ride me." I whispered the plea, my voice heavy with need.

I could see the appreciation in my lover's eyes, a simple change of position satisfying the wolf's desire to dominate.

Re didn't hesitate; he impaled himself on my slick waiting cock in one graceful move, the exquisite boarder of pleasure and pain glowing in his canine stare. The wolf felt control and I felt myself heading for the most gut twisting orgasm of my life. Re's cock was already full and begging for attention from my eager fist as he started his rhythm, gliding the length of my cock in perfect counterpoint to my bucking hips.

With my free hand I traced the plains of his chest, then twisting and teasing a taunt nipple as he increased his speed, expertly milking my shaft within the well-worked velvet channel. My fist stroked long and firm, timed with his rapidly increased speed.

"Oh god, Re, faster, faster," I cried, suddenly leaning forward to suck his cock on the down stroke, biting harder than I planned. That was all it took as Re's thick hot seed shot in heavy pulsing streams across belly and chest. He slammed down hard against me fueled by the power of his climax his muscles clutched tightly to my cock driving me over the edge as I spilled my essence deep within my howling lover. My large hands gripped his narrow waist holding him down tight against my still arching hips.

Collapsing against my chest Re licked the hollow of my neck once then bit down hard inviting my blood to dance with his lapping tongue. Padfoot growled his pleasure at the wolf's desire to bond with his mate. All too soon the gentle jaws released me, then Re shyly laved his tongue over the mark of love and slowly slide off me, curling at my side.

"I'm sorry," Re muttered as he placed his head on my chest.

"What do you have to be sorry for?" I asked, genuinely confused by his apology.

"I should have told you before I marked you," Moony's voice was heavy with regret.

"I've wanted that mark for over half my life, I should have told you that I loved you,"

"But you did Sirius, just not with words, you told me every time you turned into Padfoot. You told me with the terror in your eyes when you thought I was dead. And you'll tell me tomorrow night when you truly submit to mating with the wolf, but for right now you can tell me by holding me while I sleep."

This time I didn't hesitate and the moment was perfect.

FIN


End file.
